Why You Don't Need to Prove Your Worth
Do you know your worth?
You find yourself doing more work than is required of you because you feel like you need to prove your value to your employer. Or, you avoid going for your dreams and desires because you feel like you aren’t worthy of success. And what you do go for, you push yourself to be perfect even though it’s costing you your health and happiness.
No matter how this feeling of not enough shows up for you, it doesn’t mean you are flawed or broken. We all feel like we aren’t enough sometimes. In fact, we live in a culture that values achievement, productivity, and doing at any cost! No wonder many of us struggle with this.
If you are ready to stop trying to prove your worth, you are in the right spot. You can learn to shift out of thinking you aren’t enough and into standing in your value without having to prove anything! But first, let’s explore what self-worth is, how it differs from self-esteem, and what does and doesn’t determine your worth.
What is self-worth?
Self-worth is different than self-esteem. When you have strong self-esteem you know your strengths and talents, and you believe in yourself.
Yet you can have a strong belief in yourself and also feel like you aren’t worthy of happiness, success, or a loving relationship. When self-esteem is strong but self-worth is low, you can still feel like your worth is based on what you do, show, or prove to others. This is why it’s important to strengthen all kinds of self-love, from self-compassion to self-worth.
So what is self-worth, if it’s not believing in yourself and knowing your strengths? Self-worth is knowing your worth and value aren’t based on anything outside of you. And making choices based on the truth that all human life has inherent value.
We need both, to believe in ourselves and to recognize our worth is innate. The moment you start trying to prove your worth, you are devaluing yourself or letting others devalue you.
What determines self-worth?
Self-worth isn’t determined by anything external. Your worth isn’t defined by how much money you make, how much you weigh, or what your family or partner thinks of you. And your value doesn’t go down because of flaws or insecurities.
The truth is, self-worth isn’t something you need to prove to yourself or others. Self-worth is something that you recognize, know, and believe. (You can read examples of strong self-worth here.)
Imagine recognizing your innate value, just as you are. And that nothing and no one can add or take away from your inherent worth. Because that’s the truth!
4 Steps to Build Your Self-Worth:
Now that you understand what self-worth is and why it's important to strengthen it, let’s explore how to build your self-worth if it’s low.
Step 1 – Raise Your Awareness: Identify how low self-worth shows up for you and in what areas of your life. It can also help to identify what you say to yourself when you feel “not enough,” including any messages you have internalized from the larger culture, your family, and relationships. (You can read examples of low self-worth in relationships here.)
Step 2 – Release Old Definitions: With this new awareness, you can begin to release old definitions of self-worth that no longer serve you. For example, one common definition of self-worth internalized from others is “Your value depends on others’ opinions of you.” Choose one old definition to release through movement, meditation, sound, or ritual.
Step 3 - Redefine Your Self-Worth: Create a new definition of self-worth that you want to start living and believing. For example, “My worth always exists within me.” Let the new definition be born of a deep inner knowing rather than trying to figure it out with your mind.
Step 4 - Reclaim Your Self-Worth: Now carry this new definition with you wherever you go. Every time you recognize that you are feeling unworthy or not enough, reclaim the truth of your new definition that your worth already exists. Repeat and work with this new definition as many times as it takes to integrate it within you.
When I first started reclaiming my worth, I worked with my redefinition for an entire year. I went from not recognizing my worth to trying to prove it to steadfastly knowing it always exists. It has made a huge difference in how I show up in my relationships and my business.
Now, I’m helping others redefine and reclaim their worth, too. We peel back the messages and heal the wounds that have covered up the truth that you are valuable, no matter what!
Go Deeper: From Understanding to Integration
Self-worth isn’t just a mindset; it’s an internal relationship. If you’re ready to release old definitions of self-worth and build a stronger foundation for your worth, the Redefine Your Worth Guided Journal was made for you.
I’ve distilled the 4-step process we explored in this post into a 15-page, self-paced digital journey. Whether you use it alongside therapy or as a standalone personal growth tool, it is designed to help you reclaim your innate value from the comfort of your own home.
Begin your journey at The Well Within Journal Shop here.
Author: Marci Payne, MA, LPC, LCPC
Marci is an IFS therapist and Licensed Professional Counselor based in Lee’s Summit, MO, serving clients throughout Missouri and Kansas. With 25 years of experience, she specializes in helping people-pleasers, empaths, and survivors of emotional abuse reclaim their worth, confidence, and identity. (Learn more about how IFS therapy can heal self-worth.)