6 Signs You May Have Too Many Boundaries

Boundaries are necessary for all of us, but sometimes we can have too many.

Chances are if you grew up in a family that didn't have a lot of boundaries, you want them now. Or if you have ever been in a relationship where you felt like you were disrespected most of the time, then it makes sense that you would build some walls around your heart.

Protecting ourselves, saying no, and having clear boundaries is an important part of caring for ourselves (Read examples of “healthy boundaries” here). But if this isn't balanced with also being open to receiving love and support from others and ourselves, then it can be too much. Reinforcing fear and a sense of feeling unsafe, even after the hurtful relationship has ended.

6 Signs You Have Too Many boundaries in relationships

So how do you know if you have rigid or too many boundaries? Let's explore the possible ways this can show up in relationships. Without judging yourself, just notice which of these signs sounds true to you. Do you...

1. Block support and help from others who are loving

2. Disappear from "good" relationships instead of speaking up if something isn't working for you

3. Feel lonely but do not reach out or make invitations to others

4. Assume others aren't good for you before you get to know them

5. Project a strong, all-together image even if you are struggling inside

6. Have overly high expectations for others in an attempt to protect yourself from ever being hurt again

If you resonated with a few of these signs, then I invite you to pick one “wall” that you would like to shift over the next 6 months. Then, use the following journaling prompts to gain clarity and courage to take the next step.

Journal Prompts for Self-Discovery

Here are some journal prompts to help you identify the support and feeling you want to cultivate as you begin taking down your walls:

1. How does it feel when you have your "wall" up in a relationship? (Consider both how your body and emotions feel.)

2. How do you want to feel when you take down one of your emotional "walls"?

3. What do you need to hear (from yourself) to begin taking down one of your "walls?"

4. What (or whom) can support you in this process?

5. What is the next step you are committing to?

Remember how you want to feel and what you need to hear from yourself when you are in the process of discerning and taking down your walls. And know that you are always a resource for yourself even when you are leaving challenging relationships or entering new ones.

And most of all, you never need to take down your walls in relationships that are abusive, manipulative, or chronically disrespectful. But you may need to open up to yourself. Be honest about how you feel in your relationships, and how you'd like to feel. Then open up to the support you may need to shift out of what isn't working for you. Because you are worth it!

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Marci Payne, MA, LPC

Licensed Professional Counselor in Kansas City, Missouri

If you want to learn how to open up to receiving more love from yourself and/or others, then consider working with me in individual therapy.