Moving Through Collective Grief
I have been feeling sad about the state of the world and angry that some people seem to be going completely against the world I’m trying to help create. From protests last week at my teen’s school to mass shootings in the US, and remembering the anniversary date of George Floyd’s death, it’s stirring a lot up both within and out in the collective.
It’s natural for collective grief to remind you of things you’ve lost too - from dreams unexpressed to loved ones and relationships, and even places we’ve silenced within us - grief is present. Author and grief therapist, Frank Weller, beautifully describes the 5 “Gates of Grief”, with one of them being “sorrows for the world.” (You can learn more about collective grief or the gates of grief here.)
If you are struggling to process and hold space for your own grief or collective grief, then keep reading for inspiration and a new exercise to move through and honor your inner experience.
What Can Happen When We Ignore Our Grief
So often I see and hear people afraid or unsure what to do with emotions such as grief because it feels like too much to hold. We try to tune out the grief and get busy trying not to feel - except it’s still there under the surface.
I love how Resmaa Menakem, trauma therapist and teacher of embodied anti-racism, illuminates the “difference between clean pain and dirty pain” in his book called My Grandmother’s Hands:
“Clean pain is the pain that mends and can build our capacity for growth. It is the pain we experience when we don’t know what to do when we are scared, and when we step forward into the unknown anyway, with honesty and vulnerability” (Menakem, p. 19)
“Dirty pain, on the other hand, is the pain of avoidance, blame, and denial. When people respond from their most wounded parts, become cruel or violent or run away, we experience dirty pain” (Menakem, p. 20)
Like Resmaa, I believe grief and trauma are stored in our bodies, so we need to learn to use our bodies to help move emotions. Over the past year, I have been exploring movement and energy practices with various teachers. While I still may turn to my journal to process emotions, I often turn to my body first, especially if I feel really activated about something.
I know I’ve given you a lot to think about today, so I’d like to end by inviting you into your body. If you don’t know where to begin, I encourage you to try the practice I’m about to share with you.
Processing our Emotions with Movement & Sound:
Play some instrumental music. Start by moving, however, it feels good in your body.
As the second song starts, tune in to where grief lives in your body.
Listen to how grief wants you to move and follow its lead.
Stay with this for at least one song on the playlist. Reassuring your grief that you are here. And making any sounds that want to come through you.
After this song ends, tune into what other emotion you would like to experience right now. For instance, you may want to also experience hope, peace, love, or courage.
Pick one and silently tune into where this next emotion lives in your body.
Play a different song that represents this feeling state to you.
Listen to how this emotion wants you to move, and follow its lead.
When that song completes, you may feel like resting, journaling, or sharing your experience with a trusted person. Tune into whatever you need and promise to give it yourself.
Offer yourself some appreciation for being with and moving through whatever was needed.
I’d love to hear how this experience went for you, whether you felt great or didn’t feel anything, all are welcome. Know that there are many ways to process and move through emotions. This is the one I felt called to record and share today.
May more of us have the courage and support to move through clean pain.
Note: This practice was inspired by all my movement and energy teachers, Katherine Bird, Rochelle Shieck, & Bernadette Pleasant. Thank you for inviting me to trust the wisdom of my body. It’s because you had the courage to move through your own awakening, pain, and healing journey, that I was able to learn from you.
With much gratitude,
Marci
Marci Payne, MA, LPC
Licensed Professional Counselor in Missouri
Learn to access love from within with my free Guided Meditation here.