You want to be less critical of yourself and more confident when you are going through hard times. And you want to challenge yourself to try new things. But you feel like your lack of confidence is holding you back.
What if it’s not that you lack confidence in yourself, but it’s the myths you believe about self-confidence that is holding you back. Then, boosting confidence starts with challenging the myths you have held onto and letting the confidence flourish over time.
5 Myths about Self-Confidence
Here are some common myths that many people believe about self-confidence:
Myth 1: Successful, attractive people are confident: Confidence doesn’t come from one’s appearance or success, it comes from within. Beautiful people who make a lot of money aren’t automatically confident. For example, there are many famous authors and performers that struggle with confidence and insecurity, such as Beyonce, Katy Perry, Lady Gaga, Stephanie Meyer, and Elizabeth Gilbert.
Myth 2: Self-confidence is all or nothing: You can feel confident in one relationship, goal, or situation but not in another area. Confidence varies within a person. So it’s not that you don’t have any confidence at all, or that someone else is always confident.
Myth 3: Praise boosts self-confidence: It feels nice to be praised and acknowledged. But when you feel dependent on others approval, that’s not being self-confident. So you don’t have to get others approval to feel more sure of yourself, which many find relieving.
Myth 4: Big changes restore confidence: You don’t have to climb to the top of a mountain or move to the other side of the country to restore your confidence. It is often the smaller internal changes that can restore confidence. For instance, instead of listening to the nagging criticism that you can’t handle it when your child whines, you switch to look for evidence that you can handle being near your upset child without losing your cool too.
Myth 5: Get confident before trying new things: You don’t start off with confidence when you try something new. It grows as you move and learn. Or fear and doubt will grow if you wait to work on your goals until you feel confident. Instead, lean into your goal in spite of having fear at your side.
Which of these myths do you need to forget and replace with the truth about self-confidence?
Truth about Gaining Self-Confidence
The only truth you need to know about self-confidence is that it grows when you lean into the hard stuff. You try new things and keep at it, even when you are unsure. Then, eventually, you look back and realize that you did it. That is how you build self-confidence. Instead of sitting out and waiting for confidence to find you, start moving toward your goal even though you are nervous or unsure. In doing so, you turn your doubt into determination.
“To exist is to change, to change is to mature, to mature is to go on creating oneself endlessly.” ~Henri Bergson
What are the myths about self-confidence that are holding you back?
I work with both men and women who want to build their self-confidence, especially in relationships. Schedule a free 15-minute phone consult, and take the first step toward turning your doubt into determination.
Marci Payne, MA, LPC offers men’s and women’s counseling in Independence MO. (Also serving residents of surrounding cities of Blue Springs, Grain Valley, and Lee’s Summit MO).